Fantastic Army 01

Fantastic Army: The Rust Chamber


Emperor Rust loved his collection of artifacts. He loved history, and strongly believed that everyone was the result of the harshest of struggles and the most difficult of lives, which made him especially dedicated to his work and extremely hateful of lazy people. "The lazy wouldn't bother cleaning these priceless relics," he thought, "I doubt they would even care about keeping them in chronological order."

As Rust wiped the Skull of Arlon Fishbone, the first Emperor of Giuk, one of the Imperial Butlers entered the Rust chamber. The emperor turned to his servant, put the skull down on his metal desk and greeted him with a simple and pleasant "Hello, Clave".

Clave cleared his throat, and spoke in a monotone manner "Your Exellency, Most Magnificent and Generous Lord of-"

Rust interrupted him, "Just tell me what you actually need to say, Clave."

"Er, very well, Sire. The policeman you summoned, he has arrived and is waiting in the hallway. Do you still wish to meet him, my liege?"

"Of course," the Emperor waved, "Send him in."

The butler left as he uttered in the most respectful manner, "As you command, Sire."

In mere moments, Inspector Hamshu stumbled into the Rust Chamber. He was nervous, shaking from toe to nostril; he had never met the emperor, the Lord of a Hundred Cities before. His inexperience in formal affairs and the emperor's reputation of having a short temper did not make a good mix, and Hamshu struggled to say even a word to the majestic, armor-clad fellow in front of him.

Rust decided to break the silence (or at least, as much silence as you can get with a cop's knocking knees), by greeting the inspector with the most friendly tone he could use: "Greetings, Inspector Hamshu. Have a seat, and do try to relax."

Hamshu automatically saluted as he said "Yes your Highness! Er, Excellency! Er-"

In a blink the emperor quickly changed his demeanor to a more serious one as he told the inspector to take a seat. Hamshu obeyed, and sat on the nearest green cushion. Unfortunately, not even the comfort of one of the finest chairs in the empire was enough to calm his nerves or prevent his thoughts from trying to understand why the emperor would want to meet him personally.

Rust wasted no time as he spoke to Hamshu, "Inspector, I am sure you are still in touch with your cousin Amisa Ornee. I want you to give this scroll to her as soon as possible."

Before Hamshu could say anything he found himself grasping a piece of papyrus while being gently pushed out of the Rust Chamber. The emperor wasn't really much for formalities... or explaining details.



As the inspector went on his way to Fort Kissmenow, he mustered enough courage to look at the contents at the scroll. It was a long, unbroken wall of text, from beginning to end, written in Kalsente. Hamshu only recognized a few words, but ultimately it was beyond his ability to decipher what the scroll's message exactly was.

He passed the scroll over to his partner, Inspector Molitz. He spent a few minutes humming as he studied the contents, and looked to Hamshu as he said, "Okay, I'm no Kalsente expert, but I can tell you this is supposed to some kind of religious document."

Hamshu asked, "What sort of religious document?"

Molitz spent a few moments trying to come up with the proper words, and then said, "Well, see the beginning here? It says something along the lines of 'Praise be to our god, king of all the worlds."

"Right, what about the rest of it?"

Molitz shrugged, "Mostly gibberish to me, except for the words 'gate', 'warriors' and 'loyalty'."

Hamshu took back the scroll, rolled it up and put it in his bag. It was at this point they finally arrived at Fort Kissmenow, where a dozen squads of fierce-looking soldiers stood waiting, along with General Ornee.

As the two police inspectors exited the cab, they were immediately searched by two corproals, who then seized their police weapons.

"Hey!" Molitz shouted.

Ornee calmly informed Molitz, "It's standard procedure, comrade. No one may carry arms near a Giuk general, except of course members of the Giuk military. You will have your flying punch back when you leave."

Molitz couldn't help but ask, "Flying punch?"

"Ah, forgive me, military slang. We call your police firearms 'flying punches' because of their inability to do anything to a soldier except maybe knock him down for a few seconds."

Molitz wanted to reply, but Hamshu quickly pulled out the scroll and handed it over to Ornee, to which the general asked "Ah, looks like the Emperor got fed up of trying to send his personal messengers to me. It's strange how he keeps forgetting that Giuk generals may only accept messages from those enlisted in the military or the general's relatives."

"It's a bloody weird protocol, Ammy," Hamshu groaned, "I tell you, you military types are one paranoid bunch."

"You call it paranoia, I call it caution. Now, come with me to the barracks..."